I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
