I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
being pregnant is like rehab
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
