Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
