if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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