that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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