drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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