Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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