sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize