Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
