Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
