just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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