He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
