You made me cry and you don't even care
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
