alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
