I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
