hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize