If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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