your room smells of hookers.
And success
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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