If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
