I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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