went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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