Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
