There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
