My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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