i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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