You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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