he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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