her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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