Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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