i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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