i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
