I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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