6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
