Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
