You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
