does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize