There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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