I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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