I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
