What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
