even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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