hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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