O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just found a bag of teeth...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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