I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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