this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize