I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will pee on everything he values.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
