I bet he comes in French.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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