i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
