umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
