this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
