In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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