That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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