she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
