dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
