Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
