Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
