I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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