Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
