i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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