"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
