he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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