Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
