Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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