She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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