someone get that fucking seahorse.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
