i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
