Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Let's get the cat blown out
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
