i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
