Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
