I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
