Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
